I have good news. I don’t mean that in a religious way. Although it’s tangentially related…Never mind, let me just show you what I mean:
Thanks to an internet site and me clicking some buttons like a highly skilled chimp, I can now officially perform marriage ceremonies. But, why, Emily? you may be asking. (I get that a lot.)
1. Bucket List
I don’t have many things on my bucket list. I don’t have the urge to jump out of a plane, walk on the Great Wall of China, or swim across the English Channel. My neighborhood rules won’t let me have a miniature goat, and I’m not sure where I’ll find a toddler elephant. A best-selling novel would be nice, but for whatever reason, getting ordained to marry people was on my list.
2. Ultimate Power
Like becoming a doctor, President, or a priest, joining two people in matrimony holds a certain appeal. Not for everyone, I understand, but for me, yes. Whether it be in Klingon or Latin, I’m your go-to marriage gal, though I’d have to learn either one of those. (Pah, details!) However, I think a mitre and scepter might be a good look for me.
3. Quick & Easy
Getting ordained to perform marriages is so, so much easier than becoming a ship’s captain. But as it turns out, everything you learned from watching The Love Boat was a lie. Ship captains don’t have the authority to marry people. Which means that I now have more power than the captain of a ship. In a tiny, insignificant way.
4. Zombie Apocalypse
Everyone knows when the zombies come, there’ll be no time for formal ceremonies. You do the best you can with what you have. First, you raid the local Walmart for weapons and prescription drugs. Then you and the next-to-last person on earth huddle together to share body warmth. Lucky for you, I’ll be there to perform the marriage. And then eat your brains, probably.
5. Fallback Career
When I told my husband I was buying an Elvis costume to go with my new powers, he believed me. Apparently this latest development after the dance instructor training was not a shocker to him. Which leads me to believe this may be a legit fallback career for me, if the whole book thing doesn’t work out.
When I’m not working on my bucket list, I’m writing humorous Josie Tucker mysteries. Josie Tucker #3 will be out this summer. In the meantime, catch up on the first two.