Freaky Tweets, Part Deux

This week, I hit an amazing milestone on Twitter. 

Congrats! You have 50k on Twitter!
“Sorry, only 24 of them understand English.”

Coincidentally, I was about to write a post about my latest weird Twitter encounter. So, here it is.

I Have 50,000 Followers on Twitter, And This Guy Isn’t One of Them

When you follow me on Twitter, you receive my automated direct message (DM), which looks like this:

Screen Shot 2016-03-26 at 9.04.26 PM
Note the smirk emoticon. That’s how I roll.

Some people hate auto DMs (for example, the guy at the end of my previous blog post), but I think of auto DMs like voicemail. I like to greet people, but I’m not always online—even though some people think I am.

Screen Shot 2016-03-26 at 7.43.39 PM
“Because it’s 2:03 am, I’m not available right now. Have you met Siri?”

Meet My Brand New BFF!

This week, I received an astounding onslaught of messages in response to my auto DM.

Eleven messages saying how only stupid people like to retweet.
I considered blurring out his name, but his public Twitter feed has a lot of the same thoughts.


Plus, the handle “Horror Writer” kind of suits the direction the rest of this conversation is going.

First, he responded to my automatic message with not one, not two, but ELEVEN messages. Maybe he’s just a long-talker who considers eleven messages to be just one virtual breath, but when I get eleven notifications on my phone screen, it feels like a rant to me.

Based on his pedantic tone and list of morons presented for my edification, I assumed he was calling me a moron. Was I wrong? I still don’t think so.

I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Don’t Feed the Trolls, Emily

I know, I know. I shouldn’t respond. But sometimes I have poor self-control (see #10 in my recent list of freaky Tweets).

Just a heads up, I use the c-word in the following conversation, which may be the first time I’ve ever used it in my life, as evidenced by the fact that I call it “the c-word.”





At this point in the conversation, I was scratching my head and scrolling back up to re-read it. Had I over-reacted to his olive branch, his initial conversation opener?

No, no I had not.

Another First!

Then he called me “white trash,” which, though amazingly inaccurate, is a true first. Granted, it’s a lousy first—not as good as winning five bucks on a scratcher or eating at Wang Fu’s without getting the runs—and then I got this fascinating lecture about ethnic groups.



Blah, blah, blah. It went on for a while. I admit I skimmed at this point.

But wait, there’s more

I thought it was over, but he came back!

He says I'm not as vicious anymore? Vicious as what?
Biting and clawing? That’s awesome!
He says I'm a crazy bitch and not worth the effort.
Biting and scratching. Not as awesome, I guess.

And Then He Unfollowed Me

At this point, I was just…

I’m so speechless you don’t even get words with your overused Jackie Chan meme.

That was my week on Twitter in a nutshell. So many milestones. (That’s not all. I’ll tell you about the foot guy next time.)

A new, snarky Josie Tucker mystery is coming soon. In the meantime, have you read the others?


8 thoughts on “Freaky Tweets, Part Deux

  1. Well wow! I can’t get past the spelling and grammer. And being from the deep South everyone knows trailer trash is below white trash. I think some people just have nothing better to do. Maybe he was lonely or on a 24 hour pass from a facility of some kind. You do get some whackos! Can’t wait for the next Josie adventure!?

  2. Wow. Just wow.
    I guess he’s from the “insult you’re way to riches camp.”
    Went to his timeline, he seems perplexed that no one Rts his witticisms.
    I guess he never realized that the author as an absinthe swilling, foul-mouthed, misanthrope, died out in the 1890s.
    Still it gave you a blog post, and the description of someone who will die messily in Josie Tucker’s next story, so not a complete waste.

  3. Congratulations on the follower count.

    Congratulations, also, and being able to pull of confrontations with belligerents using your grace and humor to overpower their negativity.

    Have a nice day.

    1. “Congratulations, also, on being able to pull off confrontations with belligerents using your grace and humor to over power their negativity.”

      There. I think I’ve corrected all mys spelling errors.

      Have an even nicer day.

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