Fire hot. Fire burn.

It’s grilling season in Chicagoland, which means we don’t have to dig a path the grill for the next two months.

dude grilling in the snow
“On this week’s episode of Real Men, testicular frostbite…”

Over the past weekend, we, too, answered the primordial call that has drawn humankind to the fire’s edge for centuries. We, too, roasted flesh over an open flame.

red hot flames
“So pretty. Must get closer…What’s that smell?”

Humans smell like pork when they’re cooked.

A little tip for the home-maintenance-challenged: things that get dirty need to be cleaned before you use them. Otherwise things go boom, and husband starts to smell like a pig roast.

Especially if you want this:

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Or this:

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Not this:

Burny stuff

Which brings me to this…

Well-done husband. Well done, husband.

My spouse (author JD Kaplan) almost went up in a poof of smoke. He was making bacon-wrapped asparagus, a recipe that is messy and more time-consuming than your average slap-on-the-grill slab of meat, but worth it when well done.

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Pictured: A reasonable facsimile of bacon-wrapped asparagus.


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Pictured: What we ended up with. After 20 years of marriage.

All’s well-done that ends well-done.

JD didn’t get hurt other than singeing the hair off his hand. Which was lucky in more ways than one because I assume it’s difficult for a writer of quirky murder mysteries to build a legal defense. Especially with a browser history like mine.

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“Looks like it’s just you, me, and a can of Easy-Off grill cleaner.”

Bacon-wrapped asparagus.


18-­20 asparagus stalks

9­-10 thick-cut, Applewood smoked bacon slices

1 tablespoon olive oil

½ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon pepper


1. Heat up the grill (after you clean it).

2. Wrap 3-­4 stalks with a piece of bacon. Hold the bacon in place with either skewers or toothpicks.

3. Mix olive oil, salt and pepper and drizzle over asparagus.

4. Grill until bacon is crispy, but not charred to hell.

I don’t kill people in real life, only in stories. I’ll show you…in newest Josie Tucker mystery, which should be out August 1st.

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