Hold Onto Your Butts, It’s Bamboo Toilet Paper

Cop a squat, friends, it’s product review time.

 

What is it? 100% Bamboo Toilet Paper
Who makes it? Who Gives a Crap*

*Actual company name.

I know a couple who are so environmentally conscious, they flush their toilet only once a day using water they collect from their rain barrel.

For obvious reasons, I’ll keep their names confidential.

I’m nowhere near their level of commitment and…self-deprivation in the name of the environment. But I care just enough to entertain alternatives to chopping down trees just to wipe our butts. When I came across Who Gives a Crap, I decided to give them a go.

First, let’s plug in the backstory.

Who Gives a Crap started their push to glory through an IndieGoGo fundraiser. As you can tell from their clever pitch video, they’re Australian, which may explain their love of the down under.


I first saw their ad on Facebook, where I often find a slew of weird ads. This one, however, stuck with me. Check out these tree-hugging benefits:

  • 100% FOREST FRIENDLY
  • 50% OF PROFITS DONATED TO HELP BUILD TOILETS*
  • FREE SHIPPING ON MOST ORDERS
Screw the trees. I love free shipping!
*They work to build toilets with WaterAid in developing nations, not your Uncle Sid’s downstairs bathroom remodel.

On to the second movement: the unboxing.

Out of their two choices of butt-centric products, I chose the standard 2-ply.

Pipe down, kids. If standard was good enough for grandpa’s butt, it’s good enough for yours, too. (Yeah, wait for it. That’ll come back to bite me in the ass.)

Getting down into the nitty-gritty, at $1.08/roll for 500 sheets per roll, it’s a little less expensive than the typical Charmin Ultra Strong my family prefers, which is about $1.12/roll for about 300 sheets per roll.

The rolls came well-wrapped and well-boxed, boldly proclaiming to my neighbors that I didn’t give a crap if they knew about my SJW tush cleansing.

A logo on every side. Every flap. I believe their packaging guru was fired from the sex toy industry.

 

Individually wrapped for a professional gas station look, if that’s what you’re going for.

 

More cuteness. Even on the *recyclable* paper wrappers. Still less annoying than so-called pep-talks on cough drops or tampons.

The ultimate test.

I planted the bamboo T.P. in the downstairs bathroom, which gets the most traffic in our house. Then I sat back and waited. Would it pass the approval of the pickiest of critics?

The unicorn wishes you would spend more time wiping.

I didn’t have to wait long for the other residents in my habitat to take the new toilet paper for a test drive.

My daughter (not pictured): “WHAT THE CRAP IS THIS? WEAK!”

So was it money flushed down the drain?

Not at all. In fact, I think it’s a great product, competitively priced, with a feel-good business model, picky child aside.

Note: If the butts in your household are used to the finer things in life, you may want to spring for the 3-ply.

Also note, you may have to wait a short while before you can buy your own. They sold out of their first run! Which means I have first editions of Who Gives a Crap. Woohoo! Ebay and untold riches, here I come!*

Then I’ll wash my hands of the whole bathroom chatter thing.

*I’m kidding. I’m not putting my toilet paper on Ebay.

I usually don’t write bathroom humor, but finish up your Reader’s Digest, the fourth Josie Tucker mystery should be available for toilet reading this summer.

6 thoughts on “Hold Onto Your Butts, It’s Bamboo Toilet Paper

  1. Well done. I still have a grandson living with me who is fussy about his tp and am not sure how he would react. But, limited first edition. Wow!

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